it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
do herpes really smell.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
