wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
