Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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