i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
