Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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