My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
