you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
