wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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