how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
