It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
