i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
