my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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