I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i think i just lost a toe
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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