Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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