My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
