Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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