He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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