Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We have started to decorate penises.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
