bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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