I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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