They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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