I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
