I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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