Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
