WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
