the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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