Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
