I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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