the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
