"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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