I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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