If that was your dad, he is hot
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is the high leading the old right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
