No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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