omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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