in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
