At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
