the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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