I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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