saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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