How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
