Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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