ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So drunk its hurt
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
