I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
