don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
