Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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