It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
