if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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