that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
