I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That was before I lit my hair on fire
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
