I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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