i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize