do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize