Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
