i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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