She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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