grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
