you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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