Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
