so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
