I am puke
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
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I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My vagina just recognized that song.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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