one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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