We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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