I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
do herpes really smell.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
