If that was your dad, he is hot
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
