bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
