Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
