I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
