is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
