cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
