he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
