I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
