It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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