so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
