At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I could make wine with my vomit
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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