btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
