Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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