im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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