Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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