what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
